Half of the time we're gone, and we don't know where...

Hi- I just wanted to let you know, that everyday, when I go to my car, I see a deep red dried rose petal that sits on the very white snow next to my car, and it makes me really happy that its there, 'cause its pretty. It just makes me think that if it were in a book, it would be this paramount, symbolic detail that you would learn about in a Lit. class or something.

I decided today that I really like to dance. Even though they say, "Dance like noone is watching", sometimes, it is really nice to dance when there really is nobody watching. You can look like crap, but it feels wonderful, and you can always fool yourself into thinking that it will all come together by the time you have to perform. And sometimes you get those moments when just dancing around, or while trying to pick out a song, that are just sheer genius, but that noone will ever see but you. I like those. Thats why I like dance, I think. Just those moments when, if you feel like leaping into the air, you can, and it looks fantastic. I don't know how people can express pure happiness without dancing. Thats all I do when I'm really happy. Isn't there a quote by someone, saying that we'd have so much less conflict if it was all solved by dancing. Haha- oh! I need to pick out a quote for yearbook- I think I might use my tried and true- "Dancers are the athletes of God." - Albert Einstein. That one just makes me grin. It sounds so impressive because it was said by Albert Einstein, and since HE said it, it must be true.;)

But I should leave, as I have homework that I probably won't do. Love you! Oh! and my 'Ghost' painting may end up being really cool after all. I colored my sketch in with oil pastels, to see what the colors would look like together, and I liked it a lot. I'll probably show you all at school tomorrow. God Bless! Muah!

Oooooh, for all the Alfies of the World.

'Alfie' was a really good movie, totally not what I expected, but very good. I think there are a lot of guys out there that really need to see that movie, but never will. And that makes me sad. But Jude Law makes me happy, the bloody charming bloke. It was also a very good time with Betso- I don't know what I would do without her, she's the only one that gets it- my frustrations, that is, with the D-word. And if you don't know what the D-word is, you must suddenly get selective hearing everytime I speak.

Mr. Davidson and family came into work Saturday night, and as I'm using my blog for my English journal, we'll call this a thank you. I've never had so much fun working, nor such an admiration for happy people. I can only hope that when I get older, much older, ;) that I can be half of a couple as cute, and genuinely happy, as Mr. and Mrs. Davidson. It just made my day.

Well, I still haven't officially decided on a college yet, for a while I thought I had decided on U of M, but I was really depressed about abandoning the I'm-going-to-really-get-out-and-go-to-Buffalo idea, so now I'm kinda back to being indecisive again. Thats a bummer. Stupid love of family and friends.

Um, I can't really think about anything else significant except for my accidently highlighting and drawing pretty little stars in a church Bible that I thought was my own. Funny little story. But I think I will go to do homework that I have neglected. Sweet dreams, etc. Muah!

Crazy Dancing to Billy Joel!

Oh, man, I think I would be insane if I couldn't crazy dance to Billy Joel. Well, some may question my sanity now, but I would be even a crazier blob of compact emotions and thoughts than I currently am, if I didn't take the time to stay up late, put in a CD, and jump up and down headbanging all over my room. Its almost as refreshing as going to Breathe.

This evening, after I got home from the studio and VOB, I went and layed down in the snow for a few minutes. I've wanted to do it every night I've gotten home, and tonight, I said, "screw it, if I fall asleep, freeze, and die, I fall asleep, freeze, and die." So I did, not die, but layed down, and it was really nice- really cold, but really nice. I actually considered going back out after I brought my things inside. The snow was pretty firm, but melted just enough for my body to fit perfectly into it.

"Some people stay far away from a door, if there's a chance of it opening up. They hear a voice in the hall and hope that it just passes by..."

Ok, sorry, good song. But yes, it was just wonderful, and everything was glittery, and even the sky was bright, because of all the light reflecting off of the snow back onto the clouds. It was freezing, but I liked it, because I've felt so completely numb this year, it felt really nice to have my breath taken away by a really cold night air, or the feeling of snow melting behind my knees.
Pastor Marsha called today, and I am now giving my faith story at a Lent service in March, and I'm utterly terrified. I can barely give a little presentation in English without my voice and body shaking. And my faith story? I'm sorry, but I've been a pretty $#!++y Christian the past few years. How hypocritical is that? to be speaking to the people that actually go to Lent services about my relationship with God? Aaaahhhhh, poo on bad priorities, and lifestyles that become a statistic.

I've been pretty bummed about a lot of things, lately, and I know an attitude change can probably fix that, but its the pretending to be so happy here all the time that gets me upset.
Lol, probably not a very good thing for Miss Crox to say on the world wide web, but thats the truth. I wish I could say that all of the wonderful blessings and good fortune I've been given make me as happy as can be, but they don't, because I don't want everything I get in life to be handed to me on a silver platter. I live for and appreciate single moments, like laying in the snow, crazy dancing with friends, or even waking up from a decent nap, because I don't have the time to appreciate them as constant entities that are always available to me. Sigh. Lol. Silly Alex.

Well, I'm losing writing momentum, so I think I may head out and do whatever it is that people do at night. Whats the word, again? Oh, sleep. Right. Well, yes, sweet dreams and all that stuff. Muah!

The Monkeyworld of the Future!

Isn't that a much better title than "The Planet of the Apes"? I swear, little kids are geniuses sometimes. This came from my little brother, after he exclaimed "there's a plane!" and I replied "maybe its a UFO"...and somehow we got to monkeys, and how I couldn't possibly be a monkey, because, in his words, "besides....they come from the monkeyworld of the future." I laughed so hard, it just made my day.

UND HonorOrchestra wasn't so hellish as one would expect, and I've decided that my new philosophy is to expect the worst of everything, and then you can't be disappointed. Its actually quite refreshing, when you arrive and its not as bad as you anticipated. Sectionals were what I was really dreading, and that actually turned out to be one of the more fun parts of the weekend, 'cause viola's are quite the coolest instrumentalists in the world. And in the words of my section leader, "viola's just bond, right away, and violins just want to bite each others' heads off." Hey, she said it, not me. My favorite song was a 'Serenad' by Larsson, it was a supereasyboring 2nd viola part, but the song with the whole orchestra sounded like it should be in a Johnny Depp movie. I also very much enjoyed "The House" by Wittgraf, which we did with the choir and band. Dr. Lawson, the orchestra conductor, basically told us that, if we wanted to even be heard, that we should play any forte (meaning loud) like it is fff. So, when my stand partner and I reached the end of the song, where fff was written, we decided it should be 9 f's and wrote them in. :) So, yes, we had fffffffff at the bottom of the page, and I smiled everytime I saw it.

I've decided this semester is going to be dreadfully horrible (see? my new philosophy at work!) but yes, my physics class isn't going to be as gentlemanly as I thought, and I don't really have any close friends in any of my classes except....study hall? And Betso and I hardly ever go to study hall, so it doesn't really count, or pass any time away. I am excited for my Art Sem. projects, though, and for the time when we do something other than poetry in C.W., and....yea, thats it. Graduation, maybe? College?

Hmmm... Alex needs to organize some thoughts:

*Solo for Mr. CHS: "All that Jazz"
*Solo for Chicago: "My Funny Valentine" shit! I don't have a costume!
*Otra solo: "Harem"
*Masterwork for Art.Sem: "Ghost"
*Otra project: Brick! with toeshoes! yay, its in writing, so no one can steal my idea! yes, toeshoes glued to the wall:)
*Solo for Orchestra: none!!!!!!!!!! but Mr. B doesn't know this yet. :S
*I forgot the thing I really needed to remember....now what was it.....?

Oh, and snaps to Amando for the most enjoyable Sunday School lesson ever. I daresay that there'll be multiple games of tig goin' round the school- along with chlamydia. ;) I must go, and do my homework, now. Love, muah!

Something like this...

Hola, all. I feel very much along the edge of sanity right now, and feel very much like not blogging, but I also feel that it has been a while, so here goes. My hair is much darker than it was at my previous blog, and I am liking it more and more everyday. The solo contest kinda sucked, went better than I expected, but kinda sucked. I am sick though, and I think I did as good as I could under the circumstances, and I can't ask more than that. I think I will feel more like blogging after honor orchestra this weekend. Strong surges of hatred for a certain orchestra teacher form whenever I think about it, but I've decided that, since I care so little about it, why try? Haha, I've become a slacker for the first time in my life, and it feels wonderful!! I've decided that I'm not going to practice tonight, as its 10:30, and everynight I've practiced its been after 10 or 11, and thats just wrong. Period. Poop on people who have (or make) time for these things. Oh, but Monday was absolutely the best day in the whole entire world, and maybe one of my best days this year. I drove myself to Grand Forks, left when I wanted to, went where I wanted to, and just had a mini-shopping day for Alex. Really, I did have to buy paintbrushes, and since I was there, I bought drawing pencils. And maybe perhaps an e.e.cummings poetry book, and maybe a really gorgeous green brooch that was supposed to be 9.99, but I paid 19.99 for, cuz I think the lady ripped me off, and the 'Garden State' soundtrack. Oh, it felt so nice! I bought myself a Tazo Chai Frappacino from Starbucks, and oh, everything was wonderful! It felt so nice to be selfish, and know it, for a day. Even though I did call my mom if she needed anything, so I didn't feel SO guilty. Oh, I loved that day. Thats why I'm going to like college. If I don't get stuff done, or if I DO get stuff done, it will be because I had control over it. Oh, yay. Oh, no! I have laugh lines. I noticed this while looking in the mirror the other day. You must see, that, I love laugh lines- I think Diane Lane is one of the most beautiful people ever, and she's covered in them. The thing is....she's over 30. I'm under 18. Its just wrong!!!!!!! Bad, bad, face! I told my mom this, and she just said, "Well, start using Retinol." Stupid mothers, what are they for anyway? I really must go. Love from me to you. Oh! P.S.! Not, really, but I must say that my entire physics class was very gentlemanly today (as they are all boys) and if Erin doesn't get her schedule switched, it may not be such the Greek tragedy I was expecting. Yay for nice boys. Muah!

And she comes to you, light as a breeze

Man, I would not have made it this far through high school had it not been for Billy Joel. I thought about using that song as a theme, sorta, for my 'original' masterwork for art sem, (sorry, I forget what the song is called, lol, no, I don't, its "Light as a Breeze"...I think), but anyway, I've decided against it, to do a"Ghost" inspired painting instead- I think I'd paint a chair covered with a white sheet (like in the dance) in an old-looking, dusty, empty room, and write some of the lyrics on there in pretty curvy letters. I'm really excited about it- and it shouldn't take too long, either, because its just perspective, fabric, and letters:) (no tap shoes, or glasses!) But I do think I'd like to do a Billy-Joel-song-inspired-painting, I think I owe him at least that, since he's saved me from my adolescent self. But what to do.....I've thought about "Goodnight Saigon" before, but what I plan to do with that one is just too complicated to finish in a semester, I think....ummm.....yes, well, we all know, or at least I know, how well "We Didn't Start the Fire" went, so I daresay we'll never attempt a painting of that, until at least 10 years from now when I finish the drawing. Lol- I bet whoever's reading this now, has just skipped the past 10 sentences, because they got bored with the first couple, and thought, "oh, God, here she goes again with the 'what to do?'s'..." Well, I'll stop with this, and give some recent updates on stuff.

Well, my dad's back from Florida, my uncle has lung cancer, but part of me feels a lot better knowing that he's at least starting chemo, rather than losing all that weight, and not doing anything about it. Um, I kinda had a breakdown during Physics today, which is totally crazy, because I never ever ever ever cry in school, (its always after school- lol) but Anna, Ange, and even Mr. Froiland were all very helpful at... well, maybe not making me feel better, but definitely making me feel less compacted and overwhelmed with stressors. My honors application is mailed, Mr. Garmen says my 4.0 will stay there no matter what, but he lies, sometimes, so I'm still kinda scared for physics, and.....oh! Gregory's done! Did I mention that, already? Probably so. But yes, so now I'm just lightyears behind in physics homework, and oh! I have a social final I forgot about until just now, aaaaaaand right. Oh, and U-Friggin'-D Honor Orchestra next weekend, that I've chosen not to give a $#!+ about. Thats all, but a lot of that wasn't so easy when we'd just gotten a huuuuge and scary physics assignment. Haha, but since I forgot about my social test, I think I had better go, as homework may take much longer than planned. God Bless, and Love from me to you!

Did I ever tell you you're my heeeeero?

Oh, how I do love coffee, and all its wonder. Gregory's face is coming along better than expected, but still not up to par. Right now I'm am postponing finishing him, by saying I need to decide which movie to put in next. But I think it will be "Beaches" as I've never seen it, and that song is currently stuck in my head.

Life was exactly the same as all of my previous Sundays this year, church, Sunday School, dance, Breathe. As I haven't been to church very often lately, three church events in one day was rather refreshing. My achilles and calves are about to give out from dance this weekend, though, but I don't understand why. Oh, well. But, alas, I must force myself to leave, because, I must, MUST finish Gregory and my homework, and my honors application before school begins tomorrow. Love from me to you, muah!

Untitled

So, I had a wonderful day yesterday, followed by a not-so-wonderful day today. Not that the day itself was awful, there have just been a lot of things that I've been neglecting lately, that piled up today. Here's what went on as quickly as I can tell you:

Yesterday:
*Well, not too much was actually that fun
*Gregory is looking pretty good so far- haven't painted his face, yet though
* I had a good day in Knowledge Bowl
*I got a haircut! Short, too, except everyone has seen it shorter than this except for maybe Brent.
* I think I was just really happy I got my hair cut.

Today:
* I realized I have two weeks and zero time to practice for UND Honor Orchestra.
*I have 4 wksts. and a lab to do in physics, notes and 2 wksts in social, 200pgs to read in my novel for english, a masterwork to finish for oil painting, and an essay for honors admissions thats due next Friday, a Sunday school lesson to plan, and a solo for the voice solo competition in a week or so, and I realized I'm going to be the only girl in physics next semester.
*I work tonight and tomorrow night, and have dance tomorrow and Sunday afternoon, which I'll enjoy, but takes up time.
*And I kinda new this last night, but yes, we thought my uncle had testicular cancer, but apparently they don't know what it is, and he has lost 40 lbs. since November, and my dad feels kinda helpless, I think, cuz he's a doctor, but can't do anything to fix it, and doesn't think he'll be alive by the end of the year, so my dad's flying down to Florida today or tomorrow, or something, to go see him
* My step-grandma has ovarian cancer and isn't handling it really well, and I feel really bad for my Grandpa, cuz my real grandma died of lung cancer, and I think all this is too hard on him.

But yea, thats kinda the worst of it, everything else that happened today was just sorta petty, but added to the stress from everything else. Boo school. And cancer.Yay prayer. And haircuts. Muah!

Love, Love, Love

I have a little story to put a smile on your face:

SENIOR PICK-UP LINE

An elderly gentleman, in his mid 90's, with hair well groomed, a great
looking suit, a flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a very nice
after shave, and presenting a well-cared-for image, walks into an
upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar, an elderly lady, mid 80's, also well dressed and
attractive is sitting alone.
The gentleman walks over, sits down beside her, orders a drink, takes a
sip, turns to her and says...."So tell me, do I come here often?

Teehee. That makes me laugh. I like innocent love. I just do. Like Cole Porter. Lol, not exactly innocent, well, not innocent at all, but what he had between he and his wife was amazing. I mean, the man is known for preferring men to women, and it's also been said that she was bisexual. So here you have two people, with completely opposite sexual preferences, but have such a strong and unconditional love for one another as human beings that they get married, and stay married for that long. It just blows my mind how that could work so well.

The other day, I was trying to differentiate (sorry if thats spelled incorrectly) between the friends I really loved, and the ones I just cared about, and/or liked a lot. Sort of a weird thing to think about, I know. But I love a lot of you. And I'm not calling good chemistry, or trustworthiness, or just a general liking of, love, I am counting the people that I truly, to-my-last-breath, love. And the quantity (and quality) of the people I love just boggles my mind! If I lost any one of you, I would be insanely devastated. Lol- maybe that is part of what makes me so much like Jane, from Pride and Prejudice, like Enoel was saying. I just sort of wear my personality, and soul, on my sleeve, and trust that all my trials and tribulations will just sort of bounce off of me....like..... marshmallows. Well, maybe not like marshmallows, though they don't hurt, and taste quite good, its not the right analogy-but you all know what I mean. I like marshmallows, even though I didn't put any on the Graham-cracker house I made today. It was quite yummy, nonetheless, if I do say so myself. You know, I actually think marshmallows were the perfect analogy. Because I would never believe that I could go through life without my hardships and experiences leaving an impact on me. Haha! Marshmallows are sticky. You can't throw marshmallows at someone, and not have a single one stick to them. Lol, though, I am not speaking from experience. When have I ever spoken from experience?

So...yup. I miss "Giselle" like hell, after looking at all these photos. But, I have noticed, from the photos, that I did a damn good job of being "in the moment" in Giselle's mad death scene. Lol. Those are my favorite ones. Probably 'cause it was my favorite part of the ballet, along with Betso.

Well, I really need to go do Physics, but I'm not going to, I'm gonna go talk to Betso and Amando, and put photos in albums. Love You, You're Awesome for Real, Muah!